Approved character bios

Full Name: Andromir redwood
Nickname(s): red
Gender: male
Age: 20
Date of birth: 2385S
Place of birth: the mainland
Current residence: no residence
Job: pirate
Interests and hobbies: traveling, herbs, adventure,
Religious Belief: Aestheria
Signature Item (s): kukri knife


I was born in a small house in a coastal village on the south of the mainlands. i never knew my dad and my mother died when i was 9 years old. early on i needed to care for myself but i had no money no job and barely any education so i soon started stealing food from shops and markets and stealing money from unsuspecting people walking trough the forrests
when i was 12 years old i got connected with a group of pirates who where going to attack a big ship that was sailing out the next day loaded with food, weapons, some exotic animals and some gold. the next day we sailed out early and ambushed the ship several miles of the coast. this was the first of many succesful attacks, wich led to half a decade of adventure and wealth. but this all changed when our ship got entered and i almost drowned in the freezing water, i had to swim 2 miles, and i dropped my kukri knife in the water. my skin was blue when i got on land.
In the next days i gathered all the money i had saved up over the years and bought everything i needed on my journey, and set out to travel the mainlands in search of a place to start over. during my travels i learned to appreciate the small things in life the plants and herbs that grow and their how they can help when sick or injured. and to meditate and contemplate. i wandered from place to place meeting people and getting into adventures.
Then one day i met a man called pete wexler, he was some kind of business man who was heading out to Elpida which he called the city of gold. he told me it was the perfect place to start again, as i later learned pete also had quite a history, having lived his life playing tricks on people to get their money. for example he once told me how he used to trick miners into paying him lots of money to dig in his mines where he had simply placed small pieces of gold and diamonds in the rocks to make it look like a promising vein. i have decided to travel along with him. i hope to build up a new life and maybe one day contribute to the growth of elpida .

 

Disclaimer: I am not a staff member, so please take my advise with a grain of salt.

Pretty nice character bio, but I think there are some areas to be improved upon, @westel60 . Firstly, I didn't really see anything about how you got the money to travel to Elpida. You stated how you gathered your money but you said you spent it on traveling around the mainland, later saying you met Pete and then you and him traveled to "what he called a city of gold" (which I assume is Elpida).

My advice -
- Elaborate on what you did during your travels around the mainland and where you learned the importance of herbs and meditation.
- Explain how you lost your kukri knife
- Explain whether you or Pete had the money to go to Elpida, and how you/him achieved such wealth.
- Keep in mind that Elpida and the Mainland are very different places, and the trip to Elpida is no short journey.
- Considering you have background in sailing, make your character more centered around adventurous traits rather than things like philosophy and writing. Meditation is ok, but I feel like sailors and adventuring type people don't tend to be philosophers of any kind

Overall, it was a nice bio (I'm a bit of a sucker for anything about pirates), but try improving, yes?

 

This was very nice of you to do! It is really fun to see the community helping each other out. I really love it, thanks for helping him out!

 

thanks for the feedback.
i have made some changes and i hope you like it

btw english is not my first language so don't judge me on spelling

 

thanks, i hope to get started as soon as possible. i love the concept of this server and i have been looking for a server like this for ever