Full Name: Richard Axell Nickname(s): The Operator / The Star Gazer Gender: Male Age: 22 Date of birth: 2383S Place of birth: The outskirts of the main land Current residence: Wanderer (stays in motels, stuff like that) Job: Assassin Interests and hobbies: Astronomy, Philosophy, Sneaking, Assassination, Bladed Weapons Religious Belief: Phaedron Signature Item (s): The Condesses ( melee / throwing daggers) , The Devil's Breath (poison bombs) Biography: " I was born in a wealthy house i once called home. Rich, well looking, caring and love giving parents. As we lived far from the noise and the MESS of the town, i enjoyed passing my time looking at the stars wondering about WHAT they wereand what was their role on EVERYTHING that exists. Guided by such thoughts i started believing that mankind's destiny was to answer those questions and much more........ It all CHANGED. At the age of 12, as i started wandering more to the town i realised that humans were too busy with lust, violence, greed and useless worries to focus on their destiny. My hope on humanity was slowly fading out...... Age 15. At the edge of giving up and accept i was wrong, a violent POINTLESS manifestation occured in the town center...... .....my parents, innocent bystanders.... were killed by THAT MESS...... "I AM NOT WRONG, THEY ARE WRONG, ALL OF THEM"..... at this time i started worshiping Phaedron hoping he would help me purify the unclean mankind. I left the city. On the road i encountered a guild of assassins, it was Phaedron's help, it could only be. I managed to enter the guild, they teached me and i became skilled in the arts of fighting, knife throwing, and pretty much everything in the art of assasination, "I´m pretty good at this" i always thought. My life, now simplified, had another plot twist, i received a contract on a famous alchimist, upon reaching to him, I discovered he was good people, not all mankind was lost... as he became my only true friend i could not kill him, i left the guild with the guild master's aprovation. My hope on mankind grew larger that day...... i kept my assassin daggers " The Condesses", and my alchimist friend gave me a usefull tool, "The Devil´s Breath" he called it. I continued my assassin job alone although only taking BAD people as contracts....... And now here i am, still an assassin, at the gates of this new town, hoping to finish my quest to purify mankind, and to pray that I would find hope again, hope that man find his destiny again, that he starts looking at the stars again.. ...." This character hates politicians
To begin, I'd like to say welcome to the forums! Hope you're here to stay But, some comments... First of all, I feel like your biography needs a bit more meat to it. There's a story here, for sure, but it feels generic and bland. Try going more into detail about the alchemist, and add more detail about your signature items rather than just "I got this from my friend", and just try adding more content. Also, you need to explain why you're in Elpida and how you got the money to pay for the boat across (or how you managed without paying). There were also a few spelling and grammar errors, but those can be ignored. P.S. - These are just more personal opinions than anything, so please take them lightly. Overall, I think it was pretty OK, but there are places to be improved. P.P.S. - Also, try giving you character a last name, and their nickname can't have any underscores.
Welcome to Frontiers. Bio needs a bit of work still. Try writing at least 1-2 paragraphs about your life before moving to Elpida and at least 1 paragraph on your travel to Elpida. Set it out in a continuous form rather than just saying key points (e.g when I was 15 I did this, when I was 16 this happened). This will make your story much more enjoyable for the reader. Description-wise it's good. You don't need to make it more descriptive unless you want to. Also don't make your character too obsessed with killing. Try writing about how he likes astronomy or philosophy in his spare time. I feel if you listen to my suggestions, it will make your bio much better. Let me know when you've improved it so I can take another look at it.
Welcome to Mincereft Frontiers! Bio isn't bad, but personally the random capitalized words annoy me. Makes you sound like a hybrid from Starcraft 2 (Bonus points if you know what I'm talking about)
