Full Name: Leroy Backstinbur Nickname(s): Back Scratcher Gender: Male Age: 20 DOB: 2383S POB: Mainland Residence: Small Shack Job: Assassin Interest(s) and Hobby(s): Building stuff out of dirt. Religious beliefs: Phaedron Signature item(s): Dagger call "Bolt" My name is Leroy Backstinbur. Some people call me Back Scratcher because of my last name. I am 20 years old and I am a male. I was born in the year 2383S on Mainland. My current residence is a small shack, of which I call home. I am an assassin. It doesn't pay much, but it keeps me running. I enjoy building stuff out of dirt when I have nothing else to do. I follow the god Phaedron. My signature item is a dagger I like to call "Bolt". I got this dagger when I was in the military. As a kid on The Mainland I had friends and a nice family until they passed away. It's one of the reasons why I joined the military when I was older, I seeked revenge on those who killed my parents. When I was older, on the mainland I had a good life. A well paid job, until I joined the military... Sure I got "Bolt" from the military, but when I left to fight a group of bandits, my only friend left to Elpida. I was lonely on the Mainland, that's where I got into my hobby of building with dirt. In the army I met a friend. Every time we finished a battle he would buy me something. One battle though, was even too much for him. After his death I was alone again, so I met this nice woman at a market. She told to come to her house so I did. She said that if you leave Mainland you will find your friend. I decided to listen to her. Although I didn't have the money to go. I would save up. That's when I found out about Elpida. A few years went by and someone knocked on my door, Telling me something about Elpida. So I packed up and went with them. They told me about the gold and riches there. The only reason I wanted to go there, Was to find my old friend. I paid for part of the trip.
Hmm, its really good! The thing you should add is two more paragraphs on your life before Elpida. One more thing, I wanted to let you know that, Phase 1 has ended, and that means you will be unable to join the server. So, you will have to wait for Phase 2 too begin.
Hey. The story is progressing well. It's a bit short however, so maybe write a bit more about your life before your travel to Elpida. Maybe include a bit about your family or friends, hobbies, childhood or anything else that will give us more insight into your character. There are also a few other minor mistakes. 1) The date of birth. It is a S at the end, not 5. So it should be 2383S, not 23835. 2) I think you've mistaken commas and full stops at some points, as your sentences sometimes don't make sense because they're too long, and after commas they start with a capital letter, which they shouldn't be. 3) Some other parts also don't make sense, such as "Every time we finished a battle he would tell buy me something". Correct these problems and I will take another look at it later. If you need more help feel free to PM me. Best of luck.
Thank you for paying attention to the suggestions I've given. Your bio is much better now. Contact @tcvs for access. Good luck!
Welcome to the community! I initially read your character's name as "Leroy Backstabbur", and I'm guessing that its intentional considering you're an assassin.
